High Fives All Around

Dear MacArthur Foundation Fellows Committee:

I am just walking around smiling about what I’ll get to read from Deborah Eisenberg in a few years. Your job must be amazing.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.


* * *

Dear Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah):

Healthcare reform is not funny. It’s nice that no one in your family has ever had a catastrophic illness or accident that rendered them not just ill but bankrupt. Good luck with that. Must be nice.


* * *

Dear World Leaders,

Conserving the planet may seem expensive now, but will be cheap by comparison to loading Earth’s population into spaceships and finding a new home when this one is uninhabitable. Just…run some numbers. I know you can do this.



* * *

Dear Susan Orlean,

We would be really sad. But I know the Swedish gnomes would offer a magnificent forest burial.



* * *

Dear FDA,

While signing this petition to ask you to ban the feeding of chicken feces to cows, I thought, what other acts are there to ban that just seem so stupid that banning them would just be redundant? Do we need to ban sneaking into nuclear reactors to take baths in the coolant, or playing tennis in the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway?

Just wondering,


* * *

Dear President Obama,

I’m available next year to be your ambassador to Spain, if it’s needed. I know it would be a real sacrifice for my country, but I’m prepared. And I do speak Spanish. I have some ideas about how to win Charles Grassley over, especially now that Iowa legalized gay marriage.


Alexander Chee

* * *

Dear Everybody Writing a Book:

Consider reading this post by Stephen Elliott on how to create a conversation around your book before it appears.

High-fives all around,


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