Missing Connections In Missed Connections

I’m waiting for a student in my office, who seems to have gone missing. I thought of one of my favorite new webcomics creators, whose new book project is a Missed Connections book, and then went and looked at the missed connections today to pass the time a little.

First, I saw this:

re: strangely metaphysical world – m4m (UMASS)

address redacted
Date: 2008-05-12, 8:44PM EDT

There are these two guys who sit near me in math class and I keep thinking they must have some kind of connection, cause they’re so cute together. One of them has short black curly hair. If that’s you…well, good luck, he is cute. But don’t spend too much time falling in love with straight guys cause you’ll just break your heart that way.

Then, a few entries down, there was this:

Reactions in my S.trangely M.etaphysical World – m4m – 19 (UMass)

address redacted
Date: 2008-05-12, 3:51PM EDT

I’m completely procrastinating by doing this, but hey, what have a got to lose.

You might not notice, but every chance I get I love staring into your eyes. You’ve sat next to me all year in class and I’m actually content with the relationship (-ish) what we’ve built. Yeah, you may not be a muscular 8-packed jock that I have been naively searching for, but you are special in subtle ways that surpass all that superficial stuff. You have depth; you are enlightening. Speaking of that, I don’t think I know anyone smarter than you. Plus, you’re one of the nicest and most accepting people I know.

Why is it that all the good guys are always taken? I know (kind of) you have a girlfriend, but why isn’t there the slightest possibility that you could be interested in me? I wish I talked to you more during the year, but I get so easily lost in your gentle and kind brown eyes, that all I end up doing is smiling. I wish I had the courage to give you a hug…a kiss…anything. Yet, maybe I am being too pessimistic, maybe you are also closeted. If you are and you read this you probably know who I am already. If you never read this, well, you’ll never read it, and anyway I guess it’s purpose would be fulfilled either way since I feel a lot better now have written all that stuff down and not keeping it in my head. Peace out.

Meanwhile, two weeks earlier, there was this:

You are in my UMass Business Class – m4m – 22 (UMass)

address redacted
Date: 2008-04-29, 7:00PM ED

I am wondering if you are at all interested in guys… You are in one of my FinOpMgt classes and you were wearing red and brown. I am straight normal guy, so you might not know for sure who I am. Just email me if you think you know and please be discreet if you do know. Tell me what we chatted about and/or did in our class. Thanks.