Ending Your Days Of Bachelor Loneliness With A Wild Husband

10:28 AM thiago: dude i need a BF

10:29 AM hooking up casually is exhausting haha

me: it is

why do you say that?

10:30 AM what happened?

thiago: haha

emotionally exhausting that is

10:31 AM nothing happened, im just bummed out that i liked the boy and i wont ever see him again

me: ah

thiago: im not a tourist in rome, alas

me: no, you are not.

10:32 AM thiago: seriously, i wanna date, tho… im 31 and i havent properly… [redacted] is like that too… we never dated properly

10:33 AM me: well, I know [redacted]’s reasons. What are yours?

It’s okay not to settle down until now.

thiago: what are his?

dating is not settling down!

me: heh

10:34 AM I mean, ending your days of bachelor loneliness with a wild husband.

thiago: i dont know mine, maybe his will enlighten me haha

me: he hates himself.

thiago: haha

happens a lot

me: yeah

10:35 AM thiago: no i dont hate myself tho yeah self sabotage is often involved in such cases

me: I could give you a nuanced version of the conversations, but that’s it in a nutshell.


What does insabowa mean?

thiago: work hard hehe

10:36 AM thiago: very hermetic brazilian slang

10:37 AM me: is that the gay slang you told me about or something else?

thiago: i have absolutely no good excuse for not having a fuck buddy

me: You’re in Italy, for God’s sake.

thiago: nah its really just nongay slang

me: Surrounded by handsome men.

10:38 AM thiago: the gay scene isnt that great

me: Sometimes I think I want to move to Brazil and just speak that gay slang for the rest of my life.

thiago: eh, alas, im part of a certain scene lets face it

me: ?

thiago: that might not be prominent here or rather not out here

still closeted a scene in a place like rome

10:39 AM that scene being slightly musclebearish homo geeks who act like lesbians hahaha

10:40 AM oh add socialist to that

and some hippie


its a prominent scene in california i tell ya πŸ˜€

10:41 AM i seem to find anything other than that type undateable

me: wait

10:42 AM those guys are hot though.

thiago: hot nerds, man, nothing like hot nerds πŸ˜€

me: I don’t get it. You’re saying they’re there or they are not there?

10:43 AM thiago: no, here in Rome you don’t see much of those… not out anyway… when you meet them they’ re foreign

10:44 AM me: So…you need to capture one while he visits.

thiago: you see bears, gym bunnies, superqueens, tranny chasers, priests, what else

me: πŸ˜€

thiago: eh

me: just kidding.

say it was me.

10:45 AM say I was in this situation. what would you tell me?

thiago: jack off, keep on banging foreigners when you can haha

10:46 AM me: Oi.

thiago: why do people need scenes anyway

10:47 AM they do tho

me: so they can find each other.

We’re social animals.

thiago: nooo, when you find someone it’s always like they’re glowing in the dark

me: we’re not yet brains with feeding solution bubbling around us while we tap out messages telekinetically on keyboards.

10:48 AM thiago: yet, huh

me: I’m insane, pay no attention.

thiago: well, when we are in theory we wouldnt be able to tell the difference, i never got how the whole brain in jar thing was disproved hehehe

10:49 AM me: We’re moved off your single problem, though. How do we get another brain in that jar over there?

It’s a problem here too.

Sort of.

10:50 AM I wasn’t aware that the internet was the primary social mover here. Despite being on it way, way too much.

thiago: my problems always pertain all of humanity haha

which sucks

cause obviously theyre not easy to fix

me: Now I am, and things are changing a little. Is there something besides Dlist that can help you find guys there?

thiago: you live in a small place too

10:51 AM me: these guys in Paris have a social network attached to their blog: http://paris.typepad.com/

they’re sort of LA, sort of Paris, but neither of them is French.

So, that’s your scene, right?

Kind of?

10:52 AM thiago: my problem with the online hookup is that i absolutely need to see and hang out with the man before even considering a hook up

and online people want to make very specific arrangements for meeting

the more closeted a society is, the more specific the arrangements

10:53 AM and of course online everyone is a ninja with a huge dick

i cant agree to meet such a ninja and top him in 30 minutes at mine or his place

10:54 AM so getting a guy willing to meet for coffee is pretty hard

me: You’re amazing.

thiago: haha

me: Yes, all of that is true.

thiago: yeah, mostly everywhere

10:55 AM me: But that doesn’t mean you don’t try, just because it’s hard.

As someone said to me yesterday, these online things are what you make of them.

Until there’s an international network for slightly bearish homogeeks…oh wait.

thiago: i actually met several good close friends online so the online thing isnt the villain…. closeted idiots are haha

10:56 AM men oughta come out already

me: what about http://www.buttmagazine.com/

they have a network called buttheads.

thiago: my friend was interviewed by butt hehe

me: which friend? Your new friend?

thiago: adriano

no, an old friend hehe

10:57 AM he was featured recently actually

me: Right on. I have the book.

And the new issue.

thiago: these things in italy are virtually unknown… even dlist is

10:58 AM me: But the thing is, they are known to the few who are like you.

that is the point of it.

You know about it so they know about it. That’s how you find each other.

10:59 AM thiago: in theory haha

me: You can’t tell me you want to date and then dig your heels in with the only solutions.

Ok you can.

but the only other solution is to move.

thiago: no i have a dlist profile

11:00 AM another one is bah, going for the closet kids… i dont like that

11:02 AM the solution is either move where there are scenes or penetrate the italian scenes

its all very guerilla style haha

and kinda old

11:03 AM but its not italy, come on, its me, the problem is always us

11:04 AM which is to say there is no problem

me: πŸ˜€

11:05 AM Yeah. I’m actually getting my acupuncturist to help.

He’s stimulating my boyfriend meridians.

thiago: what are those?

me: I’m just kidding.

Sort of.

He’s working on how much I live in my head.

11:06 AM thiago: to decrease that or the opposite?

me: oh, definitely decrease it.

11:07 AM He said something interesting to me about how my pulses ran much deeper than he thought they would.

they were hard to find and he didn’t expect that.

Which suggests something I’ve felt for a while, which is that there’s a me hidden inside me.

who needs to stop treating his body like it’s a jar for his brain.

One reason you may have been single all this time is that you may be like this.

There may be a you in you who doesn’t believe what he wants can exist.

11:10 AM and so you keep him hidden so he doesn’t get hurt.

thiago: it does exist ive seen it

me: but in the meantime he’s starving.

and furious with you.


11:11 AM thiago: one big reason is that i didn’t become a proper homo until i was like 27

me: So you’re still a baby.

thiago: yup


me: or a teenager.

11:12 AM thiago: but the problem of scenes and people coming together, and the online and what not… geez someone has to sort that out already, how hard is it πŸ˜€

11:13 AM me: We need arranged marriages.

we need gay parents to set it up for us.


thiago: haha

11:14 AM i saw something weird and depressive at a gay bar it kinda freaked me out

i thought a guy was cute and i came to talk to him

me: oi

thiago: and he didnt even reply to me

not a word

11:15 AM eventually walked off

i was like what

then later i heard him speak to another

basically he was supergay

11:16 AM and wouldnt speak to me so i wouldnt hear it


me: you mean…he had a very fey accent?

or he thought he was better than you?

thiago: yep… and he felt animosity towards me causa i dont



11:17 AM he wanted to keep the advantage

me: weird.

thiago: he basically acted like a chick

chicks do that

they[ll horribly mistreat a guy coming up to them to stay on top of the situation

11:18 AM affff

he was hot, too, i didnt mind the accent, just the personality


me: so he wanted you to chase him?

11:19 AM thiago: probably, he was acting chick like, i dont get chicks haha

11:20 AM fortunately i met the hot hawaiian the same day

me: well, that’s why you’re gay

see? There are no mistakes in life.

thiago: who was a MERKIN and not ITALIAN, damn italians

dude ive been in italy for a year, a year is when you bitch about your new land as an expatriate

me: do you know there’s a thing called a merkin?

11:21 AM thiago: yeah haha

no idea why people would need genital wigs tho

me: I’m so glad we don’t live in those times.

11:22 AM thiago: why did theyuse that??

me: though I suppose an online profile is like an electronic merkin.

I guess we live in those times.

thiago: yeah makes sense

11:23 AM the italian version – versions actually – of craigslist are soooo creepy

me: tell

11:24 AM thiago: in the good old days of CL in SF you could write a novella on a CL and get your man haha

right down to the most thorough detail

here its transexual hooker ads land

me: Wow. Is that what I should do?

11:25 AM Amazing.

thiago: worth a shot

fun project anyway haha


  1. Trying to meet guys online feels like you’re in an apocalyptic movie: Tonight I had a guy email me saying hi, you’re sooo cute, you should come over and sleep in my bed with me! (though he did specifiy it could be for companionship only…)-I replied hi, you’re cute too, how about coffee first? If I click with someone, I’d love to make out with them but so many guys my age bracket want to fuck before the asteroid/zombie plague/alien invasion/next day comes around.

  2. Ugh. I am ever so happy to be in a relationship. I often think if he were to dump me, I’d have to kill myself rather than deal with the hell-on-earth experience of dating again.

    Interesting dialogue, but sad-tinged.

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