From Cary Tennis on Salon

Perhaps when you think about courtship you imagine a man appearing before you with a witty but self-effacing statement of introduction, interested and charming, socially and economically qualified, doing all the things that would allow you to slip into a relationship comfortably, without fear or difficulty. Perhaps you expect this to happen. It might happen. But I have not heard many stories from actual women of such things. I have read fairy tales in which it happens, but I do not know any real fairy princesses. So I see no reason why you should depend on this one thing occurring. It would be rather like wanting to get some money and so waiting to win the lottery. There are other things you can do that more directly increase your chances of getting what you want.

First, of course, you must identify what you want. If there is no man you want to meet, then there is no point in doing anything — although sometimes you cannot know if you want to meet a man until after you meet him and then it is too late.

1 Comment

  1. Amen, baby.

    Among the best books I ever received as a teen, came a copy of “Kiss Sleeping Beauty Goodbye.”
    It was filled with tales of how fairy tales polluted our views, as women and left us waiting for someone to “complete” us.
    Currently, in one of the teachings I do for teens and youth, I very purposely destroy that idea. The whole “Prince Charming” thing, or the “come rescue me” leaves women the constant victim, unable (or unwilling!) to live a life that has worth and integrity/purpose and leaves poor guys wandering around thinking “wtf?”; always on the end of a pretty high degree of demands and expectation.
    I’m all about learning who you are, and, as you day, identifying what you want from a relationship, not what you need to fill some void you’ve foolishly cultivated by a belief that someone is going to have to provide for your lack.

    (Rant of the day complete.)

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